Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
