Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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