my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
