i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
