Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize