I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize