i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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