my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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