I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
