that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I smell like Dick and happiness
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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