help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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