I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
