You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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