well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
