I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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