How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
