I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
