is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize