So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
