I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
