If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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