so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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