i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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