I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
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