We're like a lot better than the average bears
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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