Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think my fart just growled at me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
