The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
