i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
