I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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