so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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