Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize