She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
