I wish you could order shots online.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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