dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
