so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
