My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
the raccoons are back...
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