Your tits are I can't wait for
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
