just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're too hungover to prance.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
