I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize