Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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