so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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