Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
