I want to stick my p in your. b.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
