Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize