quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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