Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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