How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
