I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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