i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
