He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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