We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
