hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
