So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
