If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
