Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
