Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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