You really coming over, don't trick.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
