New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
