Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
