how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
