and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
