it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think I am morally bankrupt
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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