Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
