i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
