Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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