3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
