we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
