I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
