Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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