im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
