woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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