I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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