'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
